Friday, 27 September 2013

Me again...





Well yes, it's been a while hey? There's something to be said for placing bad experiences in a box in the back of your mind. Makes room for the good stuff to take precedence. Like buying a lovely new home with my hot new husband before starting my amazing new job. It's like breast cancer put my life on pause for 2 years, and there was a backlog of life to process when I came out the other side.

Let it be known that I'm still peeking my head round the door of said 'other side'. I'm not quite fully fledged, but I'm getting there slowly. This takes time. And support. And in my case an on-again, off-again relationship with hair extensions and a slowly decreasing tolerance for high heels.

Lets linger on the shallow for a little longer (because I'll be honest, I don't much like dealing with the serious stuff, even now. Hair 'do's it is then). I am still in love with my pixie crop. I'm even glad I got to give it a go, and the majority of people who saw me with it thought I was VERY brave. In a fashion sense, not a cancer one. Since who would ever think that was the default reason for a 30-odd year old woman to have that drastic a hair cut if you didn't know?


Most days while I struggle with my mid-bob in the mornings, I fantasise about cutting it all short again. But I've been through a lot with this new, young hair. It would feel so flippant to just cut it all off and start again. Like turning my back on a two year relationship after getting over the cheating incident, working hard at building the trust again, even starting to think about couples counselling. Why waste all that effort if you're just gonna start a fresh with someone new? Plus there are the children to consider (am I going a bit far with this analogy?). My other half, Dadjokes can take on that particular role. He also reminisces about the crop, but when I float the idea of doing it again one day he says, 'yeah, but NO, ok?' OK. Because there are memories that go with the short short still, so till they're put to rest I'm growing it.

So this is me. Normal service almost resumed. I count my lucky stars I have managed to land my dream job, even after all the crap that preceded it. If that doesn't all add up to a big fat achievement I don't know what does.


The rest of the road to normalcy has some steep inclines on the horizon. There is the reconstruction to consider. I'm more worried about the weeks off work than the actual process. Truth be told I kind of like the morphine opportunities it presents, but don't tell my surgeon. There's the bone density issues I just discovered I need to add to my list. But you know, I'm getting older (and I'm so happy to do that btw), so these things happen right? My heels might need to be lower and my pill-count just went up along with the expected side effects, but thats LIFE. And LIFE is what I'm focusing on with all my heart and soul. So screw you stupid breast cancer. Ha.




5 comments:

  1. So glad for the update! It sounds as if things are slowly headed toward normalcy for you, which is fantastic. I was diagnosed about the same time as you, and had a blog (and then there was one...boob) so I like to hear how things are going for you. I have used you as a "reference point" I guess you could say. I would compare hair, and looked forward to my length catching up with yours. Now if I want to see how your doing, I just check out the "what elle wears" segment online or in the magazine. I don't know who I "google" more, you or Kate Moss! lol Your hair looks great btw. I don't know about you, but I've found that I'm MUCH nicer to my hair after not having any. It gets treated to lots of deep conditioners, no sulfate shampoos, and as little heat applied as possible. Anyway, congrats on the job, hubby and hair :-) I hope the reconstruction goes well for you, it took me a few tries, and it still isn't right, but at the moment I'm ok with what I have. I don't have the blog anymore, it didn't seem to have a purpose and was turning into sporadic updates about my weight, fashion, and cute photos of the dog. lol. Thanks for being a great "reference point", and congrats on having and living the life that you deserve.

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  2. Hi Sophie :)

    Long time no speak. Not sure if you remember me from the Look Show Blogger's Lounge? Anyhow, it is always a pleasure to read your posts. My Auntie has just been diagnosed with Breast cancer and she is on chemotherapy. Her diagnosis made me think of our discussion way back then and I think I will tell her about your blog in-case she wants somewhere to escape to and relate.

    It is so lovely to hear you have moved to Elle! And congratulations on your wedding earlier in the year. So many milestones in such a short space of time aye.

    I graduated from University this year which was pretty scary! I feel fairly daunted with my future so open and unplanned.

    Anyway, I hope everything goes well with your new job and your hair is looking beaut btw!

    Much love,
    Hollie
    http://holliefurniss.blogspot.co.uk/

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  3. I had immediate reconstruction...my new breasts are called Bruce and Willis.

    You say everything so well; it was your blog which inspired me to include my cancer in my blog. Best wishes to us both!

    Rebecca x

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